The State Of Overwhelmed
I get overwhelmed often, and most of the time, it has to do with decisions to be made. I'm not too fond of the entire decision-making process, from figuring out the pros and cons of each option to having the foresight to predict how each option will play out. It is a challenge, but it’s a necessary skill to have for me to stop being overwhelmed.
When I was in the United States Army many moons ago, a SFC told me a skill that I needed to be a good leader. “Make a decision,” he said. “Right, wrong, or indifferent. Make the decision and roll with it.” Okay, I know those aren’t the exact words that he said, but I do know that he told me to decide right, wrong, or indifferent. And it has stuck with me.
When I get overwhelmed, which is so easy to do with four kids, I know I have to make a decision. Sometimes, I take my time and think out the discourse of each choice. Sometimes, I shoot from the hip. Sometimes, I tell my husband, “Tag your it, you decide.” Either way, a decision needs to be made.
Knowing that I have to make a decision gives me action steps to take. After all, the definition of overwhelm is to “Bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” Because I don’t want to be buried or drowned, so the solution out of this state is to make a decision.
Let’s look at the most recent of my overwhelmed state. My husband and I went on a weekend trip to the mountains here in North Carolina. He told me to pick a place we would go; my parents were in town to stay with the kids. It seemed like a simple task. However, I remained overwhelmed for several days, trying to decide where to stay.
I couldn’t choose. I asked my friends, my family, and God, and I still could not make that decision. I was overwhelmed. I then asked my husband if he could do this since I struggled so badly. He chose a place, and we went. We had a blast and returned home.
No matter where we stayed, we would have had fun. No matter where we went, we would have had fun. We could have gone to the hotel in town and had fun, as it wasn’t about where we were but who we were with.
I want to let you know another time I get overwhelmed: choosing what to eat night after night. This is why I meal plan a month at a time. I don’t have to stress night after night about what to eat. Meal planning saves the grocery budget and helps prevent that feeling of being overwhelmed.
I’ve taken the knowledge my SGT gave me and the knowledge of a CBT course to help perfect this skill. Here are some tips to help out with this decision-making:
Ask yourself, what can you do now? For example, your kitchen is a mess. Can you unload the dishwasher and load it, now?
If I can’t do it now, I will write it down later. (I know lists drive people with ADHD batty, but follow my instructions for a Master List, and you’ll be fine.)
I also label what I’m feeling. I use the “How We Feel” app. There are so many emotions, and it helps pick the right one.
I may also discuss the situation with a trusted friend or family member. They may have insights I don’t and may have solutions I’ve never considered.
I also give myself a deadline to make the decision. Sometimes, I need to research what is best out of my options. I can spend days exploring. But that doesn’t help me. So, I set a deadline for the decision to be made. I inform my husband or kids, whoever the decision affects, that I will have an answer by X date and time. I limit this to the most, 72 hours. If I can’t figure out the decision in that time frame, it usually gets passed to someone else.
I practice these skills regularly. I log my emotions daily and make a master list daily. These take time to get in the habit of doing, which makes them more productive tools. They also help me escape being overwhelmed because I make premade decisions for myself.
I help my clients with this all the time. We could be working on the budget and need to figure out where to cut spending from. What spending they should move to the next month, or how much to save to hit their goal. Sometimes, we don’t decide in the session and continue to work on it through email or text support, but we have a deadline.
If you are stuck in your financial journey and need help deciding which step to take next, consider the benefits of each option. Take a day or two to consider the downside of each option, too. Talk the scenarios out with a trusted friend or journal them.
If you're still stuck, schedule a Discovery Call today to get unglued and out of overwhelm.