Financial Masking: The ADHD Tax Nobody Talks About
I spent $300 on a business formal blazer for a chamber of commerce event.
My everyday wardrobe? Leggings and oversized tees.
I’m a mom of four with a messy car and a very full life. But I decided I needed to look like someone else to be taken seriously in that room.
I call that financial masking: spending money to become the person you think other people will accept.
What financial masking looks like
It’s saying yes to dinner when your budget says no. Buying another planner because you want to feel organized. Contributing more than you can afford to a group gift because disappointing someone feels worse.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your money. But it helps to ask:
“Do I want this, or do I want the approval I hope comes with it?”
For me, the cost went beyond that blazer. There were forgotten subscriptions, late fees on bills I avoided, and impulse purchases when my confidence dropped.
Then came the guilt. I’d spend to feel better, feel worse afterward, and avoid looking at my account.
What helped me change
I paid off $24,000 in 14 months. Learning to recognize these patterns was part of that journey.
My faith helped me stop measuring my worth by what I thought other people wanted. I started seeing myself through the lens of who God says I am.
That made room for different choices: declining dinner without making excuses, buying groceries for meals I’d actually cook, and showing up without purchasing a new version of myself.
I also needed practical support:
Three money containers: essentials, enjoyment, and savings for upcoming expenses.
Visible limits: cash or prepaid cards for categories where I tend to overspend.
A waiting period: saving nonessential purchases for a planned spending day.
Free ways to feel good: dancing, journaling, or calling a friend before opening a shopping app.
These tools help me make decisions that fit my actual life.
Start with one question
Think about a purchase you regret and ask:
“What was I hoping this would prove about me?”
Let the answer be information you can use with compassion.
You deserve to enjoy your money without spending it to earn your place in the room.
Ready to explore your own spending patterns? Book your free ADHD Money Clarity Call
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