I Did It Again… Another Planner, Another Identity

I did it again. Bought yet another planner. And of course, a cute set of pens, stickers, and washi tape to match.

And yet…I still have no clue what’s going on.

If that sounds like you, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s not planners for you, maybe it’s gym clothes, fancy budgeting apps, or a 6-pack of labeled storage bins from The Container Store.

We buy stuff for the version of ourselves we wish we were… not the version we actually are.

That’s called identity shopping.

It’s a psychological spending pattern, and marketers know it. They don’t sell planners—they sell the promise of being organized. They don’t sell gym wear—they sell the dream of becoming someone who wakes up early to do squats.

And if you’re neurodivergent, like me, that identity shopping loop hits even harder. Because we’ve spent so long trying to mask or “fix” ourselves, it makes sense we’d try to buy our way into being “better.”

But here’s the hard truth: You can’t shop your way into a new identity.

You have to decide who you are—and then act like it long enough for your brain to catch up.

The Shift

So, who am I?

I'm Vanessa Dean. I'm a veteran, a good wife, a homeschooling mom of four, a business owner, and an ADHD Money Coach.

All true. But those are roles. What about who I believe I am?

Let’s be honest…

I'm a bad housekeeper. I have what I lovingly call door piles. No matter how often I clean them, they reappear two days later. It’s like they’ve unionized.

I'm also a saver. Even if it’s $20 a month, I’m putting something away. Because I believe I’m someone who saves, and that belief fuels the habit—even on hard months.

And I’m an impulsive shopper, especially with planners. You’d think, after buying 32 of them, I'd stop walking down that aisle at Target. But nope. My brain sees “a fresh start,” and dopamine hits like a confetti cannon.

Here’s the problem: That “impulsive shopper” identity? It’s constantly fighting with my “saver” identity. One of them wins. The other one gets shoved aside, usually with some shame and regret.

So I asked myself: What if I chose which version of me got to run the show?

Here’s the version I want to lead with:

I am Vanessa Dean: a good housekeeper, a saver, and an intentional shopper.

Those aren’t just affirmations. They’re instructions. They tell my brain how to behave today, not someday.

The Result

But let’s be clear: This shift isn’t magic. It doesn’t mean I wake up every day ready to deep clean my house, skip the planner aisle, and transfer money into savings like a boss.

It means I have a lens now, a filter to check my choices against.

• If I’m a good housekeeper, do I need to tackle the whole house? No. But I can handle one pile by the door today.

• If I’m a saver, do I need to say no to everything? No. But I can pause before buying another “life-changing” budget template.

• If I’m an intentional shopper, do I still get to buy cute things? Sure. But now I ask: Am I buying this because I need it, or because I’m chasing a feeling?

That’s the result. Not perfection. Not an overnight change. Just awareness. Ownership. Identity-based action.

And the more I practice living as the version of me I want to be, the more natural it becomes.

So no, the door piles aren’t gone. But they’re smaller. The impulse to shop hasn’t vanished. However, it now has to go through a filter. And my savings? Still growing—slowly, surely, confidently.

That’s the real shift. Not in my shopping cart—but in my identity.