From Elf Mode to Money Mode: Unmasking your financial identity.
In November and December, I fully identify as one of Santa’s elves.
My tree goes up early, the cocoa comes out, and I slip straight into holiday mode.
I get giddy thinking about how we’ll spoil our kids and soak in every bit of the magic.
It’s the most wonderful (and wonderfully chaotic) time of year in our home.
But every year, as I lean into my elf identity, I start to wonder,
how often do we do the same thing with money?
How often do we show up in ways we’ve learned, not ways that actually fit who we are now?
The Elfing Analogy: Financial Identity 101
Your financial identity is how you see yourself in relation to money.
It’s the mix of beliefs, emotions, and stories you carry about what money means to you.
For many with ADHD, that identity might sound like:
“I’m bad with money.”
“I can’t budget no matter how hard I try.”
“I’m a spender, and I can’t change.”
But that’s not the only story available.
A healthy financial identity might sound like:
“I’m a saver.”
“I use my money to reflect what matters most to me.”
“Money flows through my life with purpose.”
Of course, most of us want that last version, but we don’t always start there.
I’m living proof that you can change your money mindset and rewrite your identity around money.
That’s exactly what this month’s content is all about.
Your Money Story: Where It All Began
Maybe you grew up in a home that fought about money.
Maybe you heard, “If you want it, buy it.”
Maybe money was a secret topic, or generosity was modeled to the point of stress.
Whatever the story, those early experiences shaped how you experience money today.
In my home, money was meant to be spent, not saved.
My parents were the “If you want it, buy it” type.
So I became a spender too.
That identity eventually led to debt that felt impossible to manage and a long journey of learning how to undo those habits.
“Hi, I’m Vanessa Dean, a frivolous spender. I don’t save money, it just buys me stuff.”
That was the identity I carried for years.
The ADHD Connection
ADHD makes this process even more intense.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) made every money mistake feel deeply personal.
All-or-nothing thinking told me one slip meant total failure.
Time blindness made it hard to pay bills on time and to notice the progress I was making.
For a long time, I believed I was always going to be “Vanessa Dean, frivolous spender.”
But when we started paying off debt, I learned to see the wins,
no matter how small.
Like the grocery trip where I only bought what was on the list.
Those small wins built confidence, and confidence built consistency.
Now, I get to say this instead:
“Hi, I’m Vanessa Dean, ADHD Money Coach.”
Why It Matters
Mindset is everything.
When I tell myself “I’m a spender,” I focus on my spending, even when it’s on needs.
I overlook the $20 I put into savings because I’m too busy judging the grocery bill.
But that $20 matters.
That small act represents a shift in identity, a move from chaos to control.
This Week’s Challenge
Take five quiet minutes to reflect on this question:
What is your current money identity telling you, and what does it cause you to notice most?
Awareness is the first step toward rewriting your story.
If this resonated, subscribe to get the next issue where we learn how to rewrite our money identity.